Q.
Some animal species seem like they wouldn’t give much thought to the collective nouns we silly humans assign them. “A bloat of hippopotamuses?  Stand there for a minute.” 🦛🦛🦛

Birds seem like they would care. What are some collective nouns for birds, and how do we think they would feel about it?

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A.
As we’ve seen, collective nouns  find their root in hunting culture and the 15^th Century Book of St. Albans.

Dame Juliana Barnes, prioress of the Priory of St Mary of Sopwell, included 164 collective names for ‘beasts and fowls’ in her hawking, hunting and heraldry guide. Ever so often, various animal groups will suggest new collectives as they see fit.

Some birds have it easy: a charm of goldfinches, a congress of eagles, a crown of kingfishers, an exaltation of larks, a blush or ruby of robins.

Some birds have group names which, if not for everyone, might well evoke species pride…

A flamboyance of flamingoes? “I mean, have you seen us? Behold. 🦩”

A prattle of parrots? “Polly want a polysyllable? 🦜”

A murder of crows? “Stand there for a minute.🐦‍⬛”

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Some birds, however, are burdened with collective nouns that they are not about to put on their  avian air tags. Take the fabulously coiffed goosander duck also known, sigh, as ‘the common merganser.’

I mean, check out the duck flow in this illustration from John J Audobon’s famed ‘Birds of America’, printed between 1827 and 1838. “I see you looking.”

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Our fabulously coiffed friends should be lauded as a razzle-dazzle of goosanders. A glamour, a resplendence, or a pizzazz of goosanders. Yet, what do they get?  A dopping. A dopping of goosanders.

Add an ‘r’ and we’re in the land of  the smattering of  things people do find foul about waterfowl.  So why ‘dopping?’ In Old English, ‘dopping’ meant diving or dipping. 🥱 Meanwhile, the 2024 Collins dictionary tells us that ‘to dop’ means ‘to fail to reach the required standard in an examination or course.’ Ouch. It’s ok, goosanders. You’re a razzle-dazzle to us.

What are some other collective nouns that might offend their bird subjects?

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Dodgy Collective Bird Nouns
• A weight of albatrosses
• A pretence of bitterns
• A grind of blackbirds
• A plump of ducks
• A twack of ducks
• A mob of emus
• A confusion of guinea fowl
• A screech of gulls
• A tittering of magpies
• A quarrel of sparrows
• An unkindness of ravens
• A pitying of turtle doves

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Header Art: Melchior d’Hondecoeter. ‘A Pelican and other Birds near a Pool, known as ‘The Floating Feather.’ 1680